Wednesday, June 09, 2004

The Bushiad and the Idyossey

Victor Littlebear has translated Homer's classic, updating for events from 12/2002 through 12/2003. Much of it is clever, some is very funny.
Here's an excerpt from Chapter 21, "Doing the Patriot Act":

The phone on Ashcroft’s desk blinks, incoming call,
George is on the private line. He moves
Across the room, “John Ashcroft here,” he says,
Knowing George may have misdialed,
“I know it’s you, God damn it. You think I’m stupid!”
Sly Ashcoft pulls the phone away, ears ringing.

George is in a black mood, John takes a breath.
“Yes sir, Mr. President, I’m sorry, please excuse me.”
But George’s tirade goes on, anger unspent,
“When that red phone rings it’s me. You get it?
I know who I’m calling when I’m calling, asshole!
Would you rather I send someone down?”

John bides his time, he knows George.
“Yes sir,” he says again, cool, calm, patient.
“Ok,” say’s George, I forgive you this time, don’t forget it.
Now why I called, let’s see, I know there was a reason,
Ummm, yeah, let’s see I was thinking in my head…
I can’t remember. Shit! It’s all your fault!” Phone slammed.

John sighs, crosses back to his couch,
Shakes his head, mumbles something, then
Remembers that the White House is also in his Act,
All rooms bugged, machines recording all.
Loyalty’s made easier when
Backed up with a threat.

I’m going to read Orwell again, 1984, he thinks.
I love that part about using the book to recruit subversives,
Those reading it are targeted for capture, not killed
Held in Ministries of Truth, for re-education.
What a great idea, the government seducing traitors,
And Random House pays royalties, to boot!

He makes note to get that type of project started.
First, hire a shill to write the book, sell to a publisher..
Get money put behind PR, book tour, Oprah!
Bestseller window displays flash across his mind.
Write it, sell it, track it, list buyers in a database. If
Hitler'd had computers, he’d never have burned the books.