Wednesday, July 21, 2004

"It was a dark and stormy night", 2004 version

The winners of the 2004 edition of the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest are out, and I couldn't be more excited. What is the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest? According to its web page:

An international literary parody contest, the competition honors the memory (if not the reputation) of Victorian novelist Edward George Earl Bulwer-Lytton (1803-1873). The goal of the contest is childishly simple: entrants are challenged to submit bad opening sentences to imaginary novels. Although best known for "The Last Days of Pompeii" (1834), which has been made into a movie three times, originating the expression "the pen is mightier than the sword," and phrases like "the great unwashed" and "the almighty dollar," Bulwer-Lytton opened his novel Paul Clifford (1830) with the immortal words that the "Peanuts" beagle Snoopy plagiarized for years, "It was a dark and stormy night."


And the winner is:
She resolved to end the love affair with Ramon tonight . . . summarily, like Martha Stewart ripping the sand vein out of a shrimp's tail . . . though the term "love affair" now struck her as a ridiculous euphemism . . . not unlike "sand vein," which is after all an intestine, not a vein . . . and that tarry substance inside certainly isn't sand . . . and that brought her back to Ramon.


My favorite entry in the category of "Miscellaneous Dishonorable Mention" comes from John Brugliera of W. Lebanon, NH:
The thing that goes back and forth inside the old grandfather clock swung like a pendulum.

Do take a look and find your own favorite!